Pizza and Tranquility

I am debatably one of the most irrationally stressed out human beings you will ever encounter in the online atmosphere. My life goal is basically to calm down.  And if I didn’t already have enough to worry about (I honestly have nothing “real” to worry about), a new study found that women who were stressed burned 104 fewer calories after a high-fat meal than those who weren’t. That’s 11 pounds in a year! Just from being too tense! The stress also didn’t have to be about something that was endangering your life or wellbeing. The study described “stress” as arguments with friends or significant others, trouble with kids, or work-related pressures: three things that basically make up the storyline that is my life.

Eating an entire pie of pizza after a rip-my-hair-out type of day isn’t something I’m proud of, but hey, it happens. And now, after the extremely stressful day that lead me to eat 8 slices of pizza, I have to worry about not stressing about it because that will leave me even worse off! God, it never ends.

I’ve been scavenging magazine and online articles regarding stress busters from the time I could spell the word STRESS. Everybody needs relief from time to time: some need it once a month, and others (like myself) need it every hour or so. Here are some of my highly effective stress reduction techniques that you guys can use in a pinch when your roommate eats your last banana for the third week in a row.

Go Outside:
When you go outside, you realize you are actually NOT the center of the universe. You are just a measly little speckle of dust tumble-weeding through the universe. When you realize this, your problems won’t seem as big, and your stress won’t be as strong. Personally, ten minutes a day keeps stress at bay.

Repeat Yo’self:
When you do a repetitive activity, like vacuuming or reciting a word that illustrates how you wish you felt (sane) is a quick and easy way to achieve Zen. Studies have shown the effects lower pressure, slow the heart rate, and slow your breathing. The important thing here is to focus on a word, your breath, or a movement and to bring attention back to it if negative thoughts come a knockin’.

Twirl in a Circle:
Now, give me a chance here people. I know twirling around in a circle and saying what’s bothering you out loud is a bit foolish, but that’s exactly the point. You’ll feel ridiculous and probably start laughing, and it’s actually pretty difficult to be stressed and laughing at the same time. I have learned to master it, but I am of a different breed. Seriously try it the next time you want to throw a chair through a window, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Take a Dip:
A Swedish study published in the International Journal of Stress Management found that floating in water triggers the body's relaxation response, helping lower stress-hormone levels. Furthermore, almost 80 percent of the subjects showed improvements such as feeling less tense and depressed. Even more of a reason to make nice with that irritatingly wealthy friend that has the dope stone ground pool.


If you have any tricks that tame your madness, I implore you to enlighten me with your wisdom in the comments. Seriously, this girl needs all the help she can get.